Sleep. I can’t.
Why?
Alcohol – much too much.
Drinking began yesterday.
Crashed car and burned house.
You left.
I destroyed
everything. Everything
destroyed. I
left you.
House burned and car crashed
yesterday. Began drinking
much too much alcohol.
Why
can’t I sleep?
Cause—Effect—Cause by Bernard Heise
Filed under Bernard Heise
Excellent. I’m so envious!
Oh, I am not much into poetry – not at all – but this impressed me greatly. I really like its structured neatness contrasting with the drama of the incidents themselves.
Short and powerful.
The form of this piece brings the punctuation into the fore. Punctuation is the main difference between the mirror images. Mostly out of curiousity, did you try it without?
sleep I can’t
why
alcohol much too much
drinking began yesterday
crashed car and burned house
you left
I destroyed
everything everything
destroyed I
left you
housed burned and car crashed
yesterday began drinking
much too much alcohol
why
can’t I sleep
Is that supposed to be ‘housed burned’ in the bottom image rather than ‘house burned’?
Thanks, Guy, for catching that mistake. No, I didn’t try it w/o punctuation, although I like the way it looks. But I can’t cope with the frustration caused by the ambiguity of meaning if I take the punctuation out.
Pure geniosity! Peace…
nice. well played.
it’d be cool to have there be one “everything” that was struck twice, slightly out of phase one with the other, rather than repeat it. i like it with the punctuation stripped as well. the effect is to give me the impression that i’m peering a little further into the machinery that’s running in the narrator’s skull. i read this as being almost chanted and without much stopping, and as going over and over.
nice job.
very clever very
with or without punctuation, very nice! I liked reading it both ways. And I like the shapes, giving the thoughts a rhythm, expanding or contracting or like waves.
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