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Amid the happy chatter of soon-to-be-free students, the girl wished she were anywhere but there. The other girls in the locker room compared bra sizes like women compared diamonds, while she hugged her books to her chest. Time stretched before her. After changing into shorts and tee, she joined her classmates amid the red dirt, lined up like the condemned before the firing squad. Each team picked players, but her outcome never varied. Consigned to whatever group chose last and banished to the outfield, she stood, waited, and prayed the ball wouldn’t reach her. |
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Seventh Hour by Catherine Russell
Filed under Catherine Russell
This is so real and sad and speaks so plainly … always the best way to do this. Well done.
This one sent shivers (my outcome never varied either). And ‘like the condemned before the firing squad.’ is such a great image. Nicely done.
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A really pointed vignette that tells so much more about this character’s life. Nice.
Very recognisable. Well written!
Very realistic, and quite depressing. Childhood is never quite so innocent as we want to remember, is it?
Ah, yes, you’ve depicted the horror of the locker room/sports phase of school quite well.
Bet she grew up to be fabulously successful while the others didn’t! :D
As a father of 3 teen girls I have learned that I have no clue on what it’s like to be a blossoming young flower. Thank God!!! Thank you for the peek and the excellent prose.
How many times in junior high/high school does it feel like we’re lining up for the firing squad? Good story!
“The other girls in the locker room compared bra sizes like women compared diamonds, while she hugged her books to her chest.”
This is one of your best lines, Gany. Catherine. Cathegany.
It meshes social observation with implied individual characteristic so well and takes one into the micro-fiction. Great job on the whole piece.
That broke my heart. Like Eric & John I love the lines about the firing squad and the bras vs. diamonds. Startling real. Excellent job.
So sad, and so true. You nailed it. And you’re getting very adept at these tiny diamonds of flashes. Well done!
…May I call you Cathygany, too? Love that! :D
This is why I had to learn to be funny. Very well told Catherine, so true to life, and sad.
The imagery here is perfectly balanced for maximum emotional impact. Brevity that speaks volumes.
Adam B @revhappiness
Nice. I liked the metaphor of “lined up condemned … firing squad.” It made me think for a moment they were in track (along with the red clay) but the outfield brought me to the right place…her least favorite place.
Remins me very much of my experience of school sports. Good job!
It seems my gym classes were always 1st period, but otherwise, they were pretty much the same.
This says volumes in such a few words, I did especially like the line about comparing diamonds.
The story captures the sad reality of the outsider’s position.
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ah how this brings back memories of middle school…
This is just stupendous. You captured that awful feeling of being last better than anything else, even better than Suzanne Vega. Just. Perfect. Peace…
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