Category Archives: Bernard Heise

We thank Bernard Heise for his photograph for this week’s art.

On a whim, while taking a much deserved break from her efforts to hone her latest contribution to the metatextual emancipation of the downtrodden and unwashed, Samantha turned away from the laptop, fixed her eyes on the faded Magritte reproduction … Continue reading →

When the first incidents occurred in Cairo, Berlin, Toronto and Wichita, people mistook them for acts of terrorism. But the reality was worse. Eyewitness reports indicated that the individuals involved were not setting off suicide bombs but rather were the … Continue reading →

Public Transportation, Ensenada by Bernard Heise Return to This Week’s Flash

“Damn you!” he roared, as if just learning that he couldn’t create a stone that he cannot lift. A flick of his finger sent the unfortunate urban planner through the atmosphere, his body tracing an arc like a shooting star. … Continue reading →

When I hold in the palm of my hand the life of someone like you, about whom I’ve learned everything I need to know from the pronouncements you have splattered across television, radio, and the internet, and whom I now … Continue reading →

He was born in Berlin in 1933 – an unlucky year.  Yet one of his earliest memories was of his mother telling him that he had a lucky number.  He asked her a few times what it was, but she always told him that … Continue reading →

Upon the horrifying discovery that the citizens’ needs were met and their appetites sated, the regime moved quickly to avert a moral crisis.  Consultants were engaged to create the slogans: “If you don’t work, you don’t eat,” “Happiness is best pursued … Continue reading →

Sleep. I can’t. Why? Alcohol – much too much. Drinking began yesterday. Crashed car and burned house. You left. I destroyed everything. Everything destroyed. I left you. House burned and car crashed yesterday. Began drinking much too much alcohol. Why … Continue reading →

Looking around for sharks, he takes a final breath, bends at the waste, and glides down. When his fins enter the water, he kicks.  Just enough to maintain momentum without accelerating the heart.  A few more kicks and he’s thirty feet deep, … Continue reading →

Standing in line at the McDonald’s on Bank Street in Whangarei, Hemi does a quick survey of the last few hundred years and blames everything on red meat – his parents’ diabetes, his brother’s alcoholism, his nephew’s inability to read. … Continue reading →

Responding to the court’s decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, Congress redefined marriage as a Union of Opposites.  The point was to discriminate against same-sex couples without referring directly to men and women in the law and to thereby … Continue reading →

My job is easier if I fancy myself the curator for a museum of broken cameras, publicly funded and modestly sized, rather than the director of this specialized retirement home. I manage a highly trained staff with degrees from the … Continue reading →

He’d heard their voices so often that they echoed in his skull. “Stop whining, asshole,” they said, “get a fucking grip. You gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps – keep your eye on the prize!” But after a lifetime … Continue reading →

Aware of the significance of school ranking for real estate professionals, Tony developed his Beach Flesh Index© as an investment tool to rank community beaches. He quickly gained subscribers, but the project was difficult. The index capitalized on American obsessions … Continue reading →

He knew exactly where he was and saw that as a failure. For the real trick was knowing where you weren’t. On good days he’d take bearings off islands, marks, headlands — anything he recognized — and plot his approximate … Continue reading →

On this the first Monday of the celestial year, He dons his argyle sweater, knickers, and cap and struts along a well worn path towards the edge of heaven. “Boy, get your ass in gear,” He yells. Jesus struggles to … Continue reading →

Revlon’s development of the Mr. Potato Head principle for human applications had revolutionized the beauty industry, and kits were now available from a number of manufacturers.  They could be bought cheaply at Costco and Sam’s Club, but you had to be … Continue reading →

A story they might tell by Bernard Heise To save our small South Pacific island from the rising tides of global warming, our ancestors turned to Google and the sacred breadfruit tree. From Google they got the names – thousands … Continue reading →