The Potato Head Principle by Bernard Heise

Revlon’s development of the Mr. Potato Head principle for human applications had revolutionized the beauty industry, and kits were now available from a number of manufacturers.  They could be bought cheaply at Costco and Sam’s Club, but you had to be wary of ones that were made in Pakistan and the Szechwan province of China, for they reportedly caused gangrene.  In the mornings, Jerry would shuffle down the stairs and take his place in the greasy diner below his apartment run by the Polish lady.  And carrying his breakfast, she would greet him with a different face each time – one day with eyes that were big, round and accentuated by heavy lashes, the next with glistening star-shaped pupils and no irises at all.  Her nose might be flat and broad or long and thin, and sometimes it would dangle.  Some mornings her ears would be pinned flat to her head, but other times she would accessorize with auricles that fanned the air.  “Do you fancy me today?” she’d ask him with a smile, sometimes toothy, sometimes not.  “It’s not quite right,” he’d inevitably respond, though her look quite often turned him on.  They’d laugh, their flirting done with for the day.   And he would polish off his eggs, sausages and toast, read the comics in the Vancouver Sun, and leave a fistful of dollars on the table.  Then he’d shuffle off to work at the pickle factory, wondering whether he would recognize any of his friends.


Filed under Bernard Heise

3 responses to “The Potato Head Principle by Bernard Heise

  1. Wow. Sort of puts plastic surgery to shame; doesn’t it? I never would have seen this one coming from the prompt, but it’s incredibly original and creative – and a little creepy! All things I love. Nice work!

  2. guy

    I love your title. With a title like that, you have to read on.

  3. wbjorkman

    Funny concept carried throughout by humorous descriptions of the morphings – “other times she would accessorize with auricles that fanned the air”.
    Wonder if his buddies recognized him.

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