All Credit Rescinded by Susan Tepper

His ad in the personals specified female non-smoker.  So why was he lighting up?  I hate cigarettes, all smoking.

“Why are you smoking?”

“It relaxes me while I drive.”  He takes a long drag saying, “I hope you like seafood.”

Seafood?  Like shrimp?  Is the guy out of his tree?

I clear my throat.  “Have you been watching the news lately?”

“It’s a downer.”  He flicks his ash in the ash tray.  “I never watch it.”

Ah!  He uses the ash tray.  So this is a regular habit, not just from nervousness on a blind date, which he might have gotten a few points for.  All credit rescinded.

“What about the radio?”

“I’m a CD kind of guy.”  He laughs.

“So you are unaware of the oil spill?  That’s why you’re taking me to a seafood restaurant?”

“Hey, hon, isn’t that a tad paranoid?”  He takes the turn sharply.

I pull on my short skirt wishing I had worn something less revealing.  “Paranoid?”

“Yeah.  You can order lobster.  Or salmon.”

I give him a sideways glance.  He does have a point.  Lobster and salmon are available in seafood restaurants.   It was the smoking that started me questioning his motives.  And he did lie in his ad.

“You lied in your ad.  You specifically said female non-smoker who likes skiing.”

“Oh, that.  The newspaper mixed up the ads.  That was another guy.  Mine said a female who is up for anything and everything.”

“Stop this car, I’m getting out.”

5 Comments

Filed under Susan Tepper

5 responses to “All Credit Rescinded by Susan Tepper

  1. Ha! That certainly puts some of the bad dates I’ve been on in perspective.

  2. Goddess, this makes me laugh! Now, whenever I doubt the sanctity of my marriage, I’ll read your story to remind me how good I’ve got it. Great fun. Peace…

  3. OMG, That was hilarious. Please, ma’am, I’d like some more. :)

  4. EK, Linda, ganymeder: Thanks to you all for enjoying this and the great comments

  5. Al McDermid

    So funny. Had me grinning all the way through. I especially like how you captured how smarmy the guy is.

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