MUMMIES FINALLY REVEAL SECRETS by Catherine Russell

Though resurrected mummies are commonly believed to fear cats because of their otherwordly connections, the true reasons may be much less exotic. “We’re deathly allergic to them,” alleged *Akhanaten – a 3,000 year old mummy – in a recent interview. While he venerated cats during his human lifetime, he currently suspects the allergy to be linked to the mummification process itself.

Scientists and mystics, however, are still considering supernatural connections. “After all,” Professor Eshe deAtman of the Egyptian Science and Supernatural Studies Institute said, “accounts that a cat steals a person’s breath by sitting on his chest bear a striking similarity to the concept of Ammit consuming a person’s heart.” When reminded of the Egyptian reverence for cats, she replied, “Feline mummification involved the bodies being stuffed with sand. The connection to the Sandman legend is obvious.”

The Sandman could not be reached for comment.

*Akhanaten, a servant in his previous life, spoke through a translator because of the advanced decomposition of his jaw from poor mummification. He is currently seeking legal recourse.

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9 Comments

Filed under Catherine Russell

9 responses to “MUMMIES FINALLY REVEAL SECRETS by Catherine Russell

  1. Michelle Ong

    Haha: “The Sandman could not be reached for comment.” Nice!

  2. Pingback: Ganymeder » Blog Archive » Friday Flash: Opportunity Knocks for Miss Fauxpas

  3. Very funny. I love the journalistic style. Clever use of the theme.

  4. Excellent! I also loved the delivery system. You did some admirable research — great stuff! Peace…

  5. Al McDermid

    Sentiment mummies with pending lawsuits and cat allergies. It’s just too rich. I love faux news pieces and this one is excellent.

  6. So clever and I really needed a big smile today. Well done!

  7. Matt Potter

    Yes, I did love the fact the Sandman could not be reached for comment.

  8. Pingback: Week #12 – Allergic Reactions « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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