Hypothetically by Martin Brick

“Damn,” he utters and swats the fleshy part of his arm. An examination of his palm reveals a bee’s broken body. His date spends rest of the reception examining the welt on his skin. It didn’t hurt much but did feel hot and numb. She speculates about an allergy, and during their drive to urgent care, her tiny young body handling his oversized SUV, he has the time to stare out the window and contemplate the possibilities. To the best of his knowledge he has no allergies, but used them as a bottomless excuse reservoir. At ten he feigned heyfever well enough to be relieved of lawn mowing duties. At seventeen he told a sweetheart’s mother he was allergic to mushrooms to avoid insulting her cooking. The big one was the doctor’s letter confirming severe reactions to nearly every mold and spore, keeping him out of Vietnam. Some were a little less noble, like when he cited pet dander as an excuse to avoid trips to the in-laws and spent time alone with his on-and-off mistress. It occurs to him that a perfectly ironic death would one involving an allergic reaction. At any rate, the bee sting doesn’t slant that way. Doctor says it’s nothing, but he’s scared. So scared in fact that later that evening, when his date insists on a condom, something he hasn’t donned in god-knows-how-many years, all he can do is mumble, “Isn’t latex one of those things people are allergic to?”

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Filed under Martin Brick

5 responses to “Hypothetically by Martin Brick

  1. Such a bastard. Very well-drawn character though.

  2. What a prick! Love it, Marty.

  3. Ha! And now he’s phobic about allergies. Poetic justice.

  4. His OCD caught up with him — yay! Love the acerbic tone of this. Peace…

  5. Pingback: Week #12 – Allergic Reactions « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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