Ideation by Al McDermid

I hold it in my hand, feel its compact, substantial weight, and marvel at the mechanical precision. I insert a single bullet, my only bullet, and spin the cylinder. I listen to it purr, and when it stops, I pull back the hammer; the cylinder locks with a loud click. But I don’t know where the bullet is, so release the hammer and ease it back into place, and set the piece on the table.

I pick up instead the sliver of carbon-tempered menace by its walnut handle, admire its balance, the precision of its edge, so lethal a mere thought could move it through flesh. I sharpen it nonetheless, push it lovingly across the stone, the rhythmic act a meditation.

I stand at the far end of the platform, where the train enters the station, only beginning to slow. I toe the edge, well inside the yellow warning strip, close my eyes and the train rush by as if it’s nothing but hot wind.

I cannot reach the edge at the top of the tower that houses my office, but he wind here is cooler, stronger, and unrelenting. I sense I would fly for a time, fly across the seemingly endless sea of light that must, from space, appear as an incandescent stain.

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Filed under Al McDermid

6 responses to “Ideation by Al McDermid

  1. Wow. Such dark and beautiful prose.

  2. Al McDermid

    “Suicidal ideation is a common medical term for thoughts about suicide, which may be as detailed as a formulated plan, without the suicidal act itself. Although most people who undergo suicidal ideation do not commit suicide, some go on to make suicide attempts. The range of suicidal ideation varies greatly from fleeting to detailed planning, role playing and unsuccessful attempts, which may be deliberately constructed to fail or be discovered, or may be fully intended to succeed.” Wikipedia
    Decided the title needed an explanation.

  3. Ah Al, no need for the wiki :^). Gorgeous, lush stuff here. You do dark good, the melancholy so matter-of-fact it’s chilling. Your story is like the way the MC handles the gun — with mechanical precision. Peace…

    • Al McDermid

      Thank you. Maybe I should ‘go dark’ more often. Horror done with mechanical precision might be all the more chilling. I’ve never been into horror, but I been listening to a great horror podcast and quite enjoying it.

  4. Pingback: Week #14 – I can’t wait « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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