Armstrong Lust by Steven Stucko

I peed next to Buzz Aldrin last year. We were at adjacent urinals at Foxwoods casino, struck up a conversation and decided to have a drink: soda (we’re both sober). It was hard not to be all gee-whizzy and gush a thousand questions as we saluted green cheese (he: lol), we settled in and he indulged me a few. Yes they did have Tang. Yes, all their food came in tubes, and no, he wasn’t scared. Apparently, one cannot pass gas in space, a fact (he offered!) which I found gross -TMI Buzz.

I told him about the koi fish pond I dug in Vermont and he shared about his bonsai woes. He said I should check out his rap song with Snoop Doggy Dogg; I thought he was joking but no – go Google it. I told him I had a crush on Neil Armstrong. He said: “We all did.” [!?] He signed a few autographs but I gave people the evil-eye and they stayed away.

I asked Buzz if he regretted anything about his monumental voyage and he said: “Sleep.” He told me he was up for over forty hours and was getting delusional. “Houston wouldn’t let me sleep!”

We shook hands and he fake walked away like he was kind of bouncing in low gravity (me: lol). Now whenever I stare up at the moon I think how my man Buzz just wanted a tube of Oreos, a tube of milk and a little nap.

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Filed under Steven Stucko

3 responses to “Armstrong Lust by Steven Stucko

  1. Aw. This was so sweetly nostalgic and a little gross at the same time! Perfect set up in the opening line.

  2. Great voice. The sidebars inserted throughout made me snigger — just a lot of fun. peace…

  3. Pingback: Week #15 – Sleep « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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