Ethics by Matt Potter

Here’s one I prepared beforehand, I’d said. Please note the word “prepared”.

Still, the world runs on celebrity.

I was good-looking, marketable and ambitious. And that never hurt anyone cracking it big, even daytime big, the coveted 2.00 – 2.30pm timeslot.

And nobody seemed to notice only the guests did the actual cooking. Sure, I chopped, smiled at Camera 3, recommended sponsors’ products: These Chopperholic knives are great for chives. Nothing stirs custard better than a Stir-a-Durable frost-free spoon.

Or gave hints: It’s all in the wrist, and Just like Great-grandma used to make, but without the indentured labour.

So I was unprepared when making Overeasy Eggs Kilpatrick for Two – Here’s one I prepared beforehand – and there they were, in the Unbelieva-steel frypan, still thawing inside their generic brand packaging.

Damn cross-promotional live demonstrations during the news hour.

(I also had new ill-fitting contact lenses and the steam from the toaster – I was using frozen bread – fogged them up. No wonder I didn’t see that the Overeasy Eggs Kilpatrick for Two were still in their plastic packet!)

Celebrity Chef Can’t Cook for Nuts! headlines said. Not true, I responded: I’ve always been a fan of mental illness.

They fired me but I sold my story to another network. They’re hoping to revive – or recycle – an old genre by turning it into a TV Movie of the Week.

The contract states I must play myself. But I’m hoping they’ll realise I can’t act and pay me extra not to do the job.


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Filed under Matt Potter

6 responses to “Ethics by Matt Potter

  1. That was hilarious! Well done.

  2. Fun spoof of our reality TV!

  3. Just read this on f’naut and really liked it a lot, check out my comment there, too

  4. Love this very funny story. This guy’s ego runs like eggs easy over. Left you more at fn. Peace…

  5. Thanks for your comments. Liked the story, then didn’t so much … but submitted it anyway. Am glad you read it, and liked it enough to comment. Danke schön!

  6. Pingback: Week #20 – Rivals « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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