“What’s your safe word?”
“Your safe word. For when you want me to stop doing whatever I’m doing.”
Ernie and Bert had decided to spice up their sex lives by investing in some leather gear ordered from an intro-to-bondage web site. “It’s like S&M for Dummies!” Bert squealed.
“Don’t squeal” Ernie said. “and it’s not S&M, its just role playing. Pick a safe word.”
“Pumpernickel.” Bert offered. “OK, fine” Ernie said. “Mine is “Uncle.”
The room filled with the musky smell of new leather as the old friends tried on seatless chaps and long buckled boots which took a half hour to pull on and a full hour to remove. Shiny harnesses and handcuffs clanked along with Lady Gaga.
After dinner and some wine they dressed each other up and went at it. At one point Bert had had enough. “Why! Why! Why!” is what Ernie heard, Bert’s panicked voice muffled, barely audible through the leather mask. His eyes started to roll back in his head so Ernie unzipped the mouth zipper and heard his friend yell: “Rye! Rye! Rye! My God! I almost suffocated! I was screaming my safe word!” Blue, Bert gasped for breath.
“Your safe word is Pumpernickel not Rye! I almost killed you because you can’t remember what type of bread you picked!” Ernie yelled, exasperated.
Still choking, Bert said: “I always order rye! You should know that by now!”