Kicks by Catherine Russell

Bud stumbled outside and watched the stars churning in the heavens. His breath floated skyward in big white puffs in the evening chill.

“Duuuuuude,” said Dan.

“Hey, watch this,” said Bud, inhaling sharply. He let out a long slow breath. Both men watched the resulting stream dissipate into the heavens.

Dan swigged his beer. “I can do better than that.” He bent forward, angled his butt skyward, and let rip. The resulting noise and odor doubled both men over with laughter.

Bob sat in the snow and waved a hand in front of his face. “Hey, you could have warned me!”

“Could you see it though? I always wondered,” said Dan.

“Naaaah.” Bud produced a lighter from his pocket. “But do it again!”

Dan snorted but angled his body appropriately. The resulting blue flame licked his clothes and singed the hair on Bud’s hand. Both screamed, the lighter fell, and Dan dropped into the snow – extinguishing the fire with a hiss.

Both men stared, horror stricken, at the large burn mark over Dan’s crotch.

“What are you going to tell Gina?” asked Bud.

“Ever heard of spontaneous human combustion?”

“That’s not real; is it?”

Dan grinned. “Yeah, but she’s drunk too. I think she’ll buy it.”

They returned to the party.


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Filed under Catherine Russell

13 responses to “Kicks by Catherine Russell

  1. hahaha! i’ve actually known an idiot who did that and lost his pubic hair. very funny, brought me back to my college days when i was equally idiotic. peace…

  2. Ah, I also knew someone who did something similar when we’re back in high school!

    Delicate writing!

  3. John Riley

    She won’t buy it. Hilarious.

  4. Wonder how he’ll feel when he sobers up…

  5. Drunk men turn into boys instantly–like what you’ve done with this!

  6. See, I’ve always wondered if the lighter/fart thing was real…
    I’m not entirely sure why I find this piece charming, but I do.

  7. Kim Hutchinson

    Fun take on the theme! I don’t think she’ll buy it, either…

  8. Loved the dialogue here! And I laughed! Thanks.

  9. grey johnson

    I’ve often wondered if this can really happen. Regardless, your story is funny.

  10. Al McDermid

    Dudes. What are you gonna do with them. LOL And yeah, she won’t buy it. If she knows he, she’ll know what happened. Great take on the theme.

  11. Pingback: Week #33 – Spontaneous combustion | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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