Living in the Lapin of Luxury by Matt Potter

George thrust a photograph of a sexy female model in a boxy fur jacket before me.

“Long-haired rabbits. The next big thing in fur.” And he made a balloon with his hands and blew out his cheeks.

I remembered Mum when we were kids, listening to Dad pitch his latest idea that would earn millions, making him a household name.

“No one wears fur in Australia anymore,” I said.

“They do at the opera, Frank.”

I’m a theatre critic, and we attend opera openings. Where old ladies wear furs they bought forty years ago.

“There’s cheap land at Cudlee Creek perfect for breeding long-haired rabbits,” he added. “They can’t jump high so fencing costs are low.”

“But rabbits burrow, George.”

“Not with mesh on the ground.” He held up the photograph. The woman was wearing what looked like fox. “Free range long-haired rabbits grow extra long hair too.”

I looked at him squarely. “What about the Rose D’Amour jewellery in the garage?” I said. “And the Gift-O-Life mini-defibrillators in the shed? And the Hot-and-Ready Quik-Grow-Rice-in-a-Can in the spare room?”

“I got really bad advice on all those deals. And the land at Cudlee Creek’s going for a song.”

I shook my head.

He sat, shoulders hunched. “Don’t you want me to be a success?” he said. “Why do you always stand in my way?”

I sighed.

“Okay. Do it.”

George chatted all night about how rich he’d make us. Again.

Sometimes gay men marry men just like their fathers, too.

.

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22 Comments

Filed under Matt Potter

22 responses to “Living in the Lapin of Luxury by Matt Potter

  1. you’re so damn funny and witty. that last line was brill.

  2. Funny … it is true! Bout three years ago I realised my sisters and I had all ‘married’ men like our father. But thank you, Len.

  3. Nice and light touch! Thanks.

  4. I honestly found it hard to empathize with the characters once I knew they wanted to breed rabbits for fur coats, but that aside it was well done. If it had been about almost anything else, I would have found it funny. :)

  5. Given history, I doubt they would have got so far as buying the land.

  6. There is a sadness here despite the humor. The get-rich-quick-scheme people always sadden me. It hardly ever comes to pass and then they are on to the next. Your wrote this really well, the voices ring true and distinct.

    • You’re right, Susan – you see them on those exposé TV shows crying about their lost money, and you can’t help angry with them for being so silly in the first place …

  7. Funny, but also so real I had a rather visceral reaction. My dad’s like this, and I picked up some of it; thanksfully I married to a nice steady accountant.

  8. Actually, my father was not a get-rich-quick-schemer at all.

  9. guy

    My family’s fantasies run more toward crisis theory than get rich schemes, but never mind that. What i like here are the puns, especially Cudlee/Cuddly Creek, and the goofiness of the arguments like “Fencing costs are low”.

  10. Cudlee Creek is a real place, in the Adelaide Hills only about 30 minutes travel from where I live. Actually, I have cousins who live there, though I have not been there for years. Find more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cudlee_Creek,_South_Australia
    But thanks for your comments. And yes, many of the arguments are ridiculous!

  11. Oh Matt, this is hilarious! The last line… so true. Such a universal. Peace…

  12. The dialogue alone in this piece is brilliant! Such sub-text and possibilities beyond every line (which tags back to the overall theme). I have to agree with Susan T. here how the sadness (pathos) is just below the humor, and I find that a consistent theme of yours, and one I really admire.

    • Thank you Robert – yes, I guess at the same time these characters are being funny they are also being very sad. But … ummm … that’s life really. Thank you for your sweet comment.

  13. Actually, I LOVE writing about deluded people, those who have dreams and ideas way above their station or talents or real possibilities … but in real life these people drive me nuts.

  14. John Riley

    This is funny and sad. I’ve know men much like him. The last line is hilarious.

  15. You did a great job with the dialogue, that comfortable back and forth. I don’t know too many straight men who marry men, so dropping the word gay might give the last line more punch: “sometimes men marry men like their fathers, too.”

    I love (and am also familiar with) the excited arguments for, and petulant tone of “Don’t you want me to be a success?” My sister is married to this guy, too. Great litany of failed schemes, too: Gift-O-Life is rich!

  16. Great scene painted here, with lots of background for us to fill in ourselves. I really enjoyed this and the closing cracked me up – great comic timing, even if it is true! Also, brilliant title!

  17. Pingback: Week #26 – Animal behavior | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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