Match? by Martin Brick

She asks with what animal he most associates. The wording of her IM trips him up. That’s different from your favorite animal. That’s different from what animal you think you’d be.

First to come to mind are the obvious cool choices. Tiger. Panther. Bear. The carnivores. Hunters. But those are all cliches, the things un-inventive tough guys request in a tattoo parlor. Then he eyes her profile photo, contemplates her tight, suggestive but still classy clothing, imagines that she might well be the type to wear leopard-print undergarments.

But she also wears glasses, and lists “books” as an interest, so he thinks in the opposite direction, of “thoughtful” animals. There’s a chance she likes dolphins, but hell if he’d associate with a dolphin, no matte how sexy the woman. Owl might work. Connotes wisdom, but is still a raptor. A creature of the night. Mysterious. Seems kinda old though.

Maybe something simple like dog. Not pretentious at all. Suggests loyalty. He’d like her to imagine him as loyal. But how many guys would say dog? It lacks originality. Better than wolf though. Cliché again.

Funny thing about wolves, people think “lone wolf,” but they mate for life. Not that he wanted to bring up mating for life – needy. But for kicks, he considers penguin, with that whole sticking with the egg thing. Or vultures. You discount vultures, but they’re loyal lovers. He saw this special on Animal Planet…

A message appears: “I take that as “turtle” ;)”


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5 responses to “Match? by Martin Brick

  1. guy

    Hmm, what animal represents narcissism? The peacock i would guess. Turtle bit was funny, too. One of the nice things about this piece is that you can see how the media draws his narcissism out.

  2. Hehe… “Turtle!” Nice come back from her to a guy that took too long to answer. Somehow I think he over-thought the question.

  3. This is fun…reminds me I was once on a Maui beach…some dude had “animal cards” (think Tarot) and was doing readings. Pick a card without looking, he’d “read” you, etc. When I chose “weasel,” I thought OH SHIT. But, as it turned out, the weasel has as many “positive” traits as “negative.” All animals, humans included, do. Was one of those a-ha moments for me.

  4. Talk about over thinking it. This is hilarious, especially her response to his dithering.

  5. Pingback: Week #26 – Animal behavior | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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