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For two hours she sat silent at the far end of the couch, the cat held tightly on her lap and petted aggressively to ensure it would stay. Between them an empty cushion two miles wide. On the far end he sprawled with his feet up on the coffee table. He wished she would put her feet up on it too. He tried to think of something to say but the game was so close between teams. She got up and went into the kitchen. He reached for the cat but it hissed at him. In the morning she found him asleep on the couch and she smiled. The TV was silent and the cat was curled up on his chest. |
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Distance by Susan Gibb
Filed under Susan Gibb
52|250 A Year of Flash 
Nice approach to the theme – distance. Cats always choose their distance, don’t they?
Nice essence of intimate distance in many couples that I’ve known, close and personally. I like the cat being the measure, or in each moment. That cushion line is fantastic. Like painting with a scalpel.
Such tight writing. I like how the cat bridged the distance.
A fortress built, then forgotten as the enemy slept.
Clever response to the theme, such a small space made as wide as a sea. Peace…
I love how much is said in so few words!
You captured that stifling feeling of closeness, both in space and the emotions of these two. very good micro!
There’s tension in the beginning. Does she hate him? What sort of brute is he? Then the cat warms up to him and she smiles at the scene. Perhaps love conquers all. The tension keeps it from being too sweet. Well done.
Wow. I love how you’ve created this very heavy distance, which you then effortlessly resolve with two sentence. Nicely done.
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Thanks all. Honestly, Michelle spit this back at me with some suggestions and after a few rewrites, I grudgingly admitted she was spot on!
No words are spoken between the three but SO much is said in their actions — and in so few words! Nice piece of writing. :-)