Vow by Matt Potter

The smell wafted from the open Bible. I gagged behind my veil, dewy mood shattered.

Cameron picked it from the pages and tried to slide it on my finger but I snatched my hand away.

His eyes searched mine.

“It smells,” I whispered.

Father O’Donoghue leaned towards us, sour breath fluttering the tulle. “You got cold feet?”

“There’s something wrong with the ring,” Cameron said.

A cough rose from the front pew.

“The ring smells, Father,” I said.

“What of?” he said. “Formaldehyde?”

My brain blanked. Which word was appropriately churchy? “Excrement,” I said.

No look of recognition spread across his face.

“Shit,” I whispered.

“Shit!?” he said too loudly. Murmurs filled the church.

The priest took the ring and sniffed it, then turned to Cameron, raising his eyebrows.

“You buy shit, it’s gonna smell like shit,” he said. “You should’ve come to me like I told you and got a good deal with my nephew.” He sniffed the ring again then threw it on the floor. Its tinny roll echoed through the church. “Cheap Chinese shit.”

He reached into his pocket, pulled out another ring, and tossed it on the open Bible.

Sighing with relief, Cameron took the ring and grabbed my finger.

I pulled away again. “But it’s not the ring I chose.”

“I am the word of God!” the priest hissed, my veil blowing in my face with such force it tangled in my eyelashes.

Luckily, Father O’Donoghue’s other nephew catered the reception.


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Filed under Matt Potter

11 responses to “Vow by Matt Potter

  1. I love the concept here, the scenario you painted that becomes a metaphor for all those last minute doubts!

  2. you are so funny. do you do stand-up? you should.

  3. i smell…contempt for our mother church. i still love this though.

  4. Kim Hutchinson

    Matt, you are crazy…in the best possible way! Laughed all the way through this one!

  5. The way you do that happy-sad balance is really amazing. I love everything about this and agree with Len- stand-up or writing comedy. You have a natural knack for it.

  6. Ha! You always come up with the whackiest situations. Thanks for the belly laughs. Peace…

  7. Michael Parker

    Well what a relief. i was thinking there for a moment that he had peeled that ring off of some dead woman’s finger from the funeral going on in the next room! I enjoyed the symbolism in this: representation of the wedding vows, authority, and organized religion. And it was done with wit. Best,

  8. Funny, I never intended it to be a comment on organised religion or marriage, I just thought it was funny having a ring smell like shit! I laughed out loud when I thought of the idea. But I did mean the priest to be a bit of a tyrant, so I see your point. Thanks for reading.

  9. Maude Larke

    Oh, so convoluted! But I saw no comment about religion in it. Just a gret weird situation.

  10. Pingback: Week #41 – Coincidence | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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