For someone who’s barely
acknowledged me, he now
oozes I love you…
I love you…
so much that I
I liked it better
before, left up
to me. When I had
no clue. I found
peace in that
Return to This Week’s Flash
Filed under Robert Vaughan
Yes! So “understandable”… Loved it! :-)
Loved this, Robert. It has such simplicity and yet it describes a very complex and real human emotion. Nice.
my favorite is “i liked it better before, left up to me.”
ha! fascination indeed. i like the contrast between that ending and the almost mundane situation. the disappearing described is a magical act.
Loved this at FN, and loved it here. Great work.
Thanks everyone for your meaningful comments. Much appreciated!
I read this at Fictionaut and wondered how to respond … which is so often my response! ‘I love you so much that I disappear’ … from a turncoat! Too late, mate, you had your chance. But who is more fickle? (Personally, the word ‘fickler’ sounds better). Very simple but as is always the best, very universal too.
I appreciate your reply wherever it is, Matt. Here or at FN. Doesn’t matter to me. Thanks for reading and I love your interpretations shared here.
I have that problem, too. How to respond. I’ll say that i like the play against readers’ expectations here:
It’s written in an almost conventional way, but the punctuation and the immmediate context dump a heap of conflict on these lines.
Cynical, but in a refreshing way.
i loved the way this moved from the entangled feelings to this surprise open space.
The simplicity of this is beautiful.
I am moved by all of your responses to this poem. Of course, somewhere in my head I judge it as “too simple,” or “too cliche.” So, to have your feedback isn’t just a reminder for me to quiet my doubts, but also to trust the process, to write as bravely, honestly as I can. Thanks just doesn’t say enough.
Robert, this is beautiful! And bear with me as I’m going to be long winded here but I am a product of the 80’s and this poem (by use of this title) reveals how cleverly structured this poem is. First, I couldn’t help but pull in the images of Annie Lennox’ song of the same title. It seemed like you were using it to set a stage on which to express similar themes of longing, heartache for being REALLY noticed, and feeling a sense of insanity of not knowing if love existed because it was never vocally shared. Consider the lyrics that set the stage for your poem: “my aching heart would bleed for you to see [me]. … No more i love yous, the language is leaving me. No more I love you’s, the changes are shifting outside the world….”
Lastly, I want to spotlight your amazing but heartrending line: ” I found / peace in that / silent forest.” Wow! It so perfectly reflects the heartache (“the aching heart [that] bleeds”) that the narrator experiences from longing to be loved, to be spoken to in a way that even hinted at love, and found sanity deep in the forest of silence and cluelessness. Very well crafted and use of title. And again, this is beautiful. Thank you.
Michael, I have already thanked you on Facebook, but I will do the same here. I am deeply grateful. Your words mean the world to me.
He oozes I love you… I feel I can’t breathe -it’s suffocating – too close – I want to run to the forest and sit in the silence. You got it. Doris
Great enjambment. I like the whole sense of control, and not. Remarked on it at fn — same goes here. Super stuff. Peace…
Pingback: Week #41 – Coincidence | 52|250 A Year of Flash
Pingback: March Madness « One Writer's Life
Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.
Notify me of new posts via email.