Becoming by Roberta Lawson

She always did want some kind of God figure; a something-so-overwhelming that she might dissipate into mere molecules in its presence. She always did want to be simultaneously smaller and larger. Deep down she’d always wanted to worship. Not God himself but some eternal spirit that changes shape each minute, hour, day, that zooms beyond time itself.

He’ll be that person, that metaphor, he’s promised her. She can respond only to this, to what he offers. She wants to hand something over, to surrender. Control. This is larger than control. You might think this is about her body, but this stretches far beyond flesh, wraps round and round her. Them. He wants her kneeling. She wants to climb inside his pocket. She’s bigger than this whole room. He’s enormous. She is that dispersing, glimmering sum of molecules. They’re melding now; into some snakey, shifting glob of energy, a sort of fluid dance. She sinks down. He’s taller still. He’ll tell her what next. He’ll tell her who – what – she’ll be, next.

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4 Comments

Filed under Roberta Lawson

4 responses to “Becoming by Roberta Lawson

  1. Beautifully portrayed, this horror of losing oneself in another.

  2. len kuntz

    i like how you ended this. it brought it home tigher for me.

  3. This reminds me of what I’ve heard of cults, people losing their identities to the larger whole.

  4. Pingback: Week #48 – Tainted love | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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