Looking Back by Deborah A. Upton

I had noticed how Evelyn treated me in front of everyone, mainly how
cold she was toward me, but I didn’t say anything about it, even later
when we were alone. I just figured it was something that occurred
between sisters, once in a while. But when the phone rang early the
next morning waking my husband and me, it shocked me to hear that my
sister had taken her own life. No one had prepared me.

It’s strange how you look back for clues, telling yourself you should
have seen more. Maybe I would have if I had remembered when I was
three years old how my Aunt Ellen slit her wrist and bled all over the
stairs as she came down to die on the floor in front of the couch
where Uncle Bobby slept. No one talked about it ever again after her
funeral, Momma told me, as I cried for my sister. But it was when I
was told that my grandfather, who had died long before I was born, had
committed suicide by hanging himself from a limb of the tall
cottonwood tree on the back acres of his farm that I began to see the
pattern. I’ve always dreamed of being beneath the water watching the
sun’s rays penetrating my world where I am hidden. I wonder if Evelyn
was hidden in her own world when she swallowed the pills that took her


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Filed under Deborah A. Upton

7 responses to “Looking Back by Deborah A. Upton

  1. A most dangerous family script. You’ve unrolled the story well.

  2. Undiagnosed depression runs in families, and suicides are the cairns revealing that history. Beautifully told. Peace…

  3. There’s so much depth in this slice. Masterfully done.

  4. Pingback: Week #49 – Cold front | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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