Cross-stitch by Matt Potter

Home sweet hoe, it said in red stitching.

Her ancestors weren’t great spellers but who cares when it’s worth a bucket of money.

Took it to the framers after I found it in her old girl’s shed. “Need this framed yesterday,” I said, thumping the counter. Two hours later had a massive gold frame with flowers and shit all over it. Scratched it up a bit so made it look old and the auction bloke fell for it.

“It’s not spelled right,” I said. In case he didn’t know.

“The mistake gives it its value,” he said.

“Well, the wife’s family weren’t too bright in the upstairs department, if you know what I mean.”

Took it home, banged a nail in the wall and stuck it up.

Janice’s jaw dropped when I told her how much we could get for it. “Enough to never work again and get a nice new pair of these,” I said, squeezing her tits.

And the wife said the same that night when she got home from shotput practice.

But Janice didn’t want to wait. “When am I gonna get my new tits?” she said.

Booked tickets to Bali and got Janice a perm. Told ’em at work I wouldn’t be in Monday.

Went to grab it from the wall but only the frame was there, and a note.

Sold the cross-stitch and have run off with Barb my shotput coach. We’re somewhere on the Great Ocean Road, ya miserable fuck!

Went to work Monday.

.

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5 Comments

Filed under Matt Potter

5 responses to “Cross-stitch by Matt Potter

  1. Love how he was crossed in the end!

  2. I’m still laughing!!! Love the voices here, so funny and real. The tit job, perms, so great!

  3. guy

    I like that you could put in shot putting. Best fictional deployment of the shot put since… um…. hmm…

  4. Pingback: Week #50 – Home sweet home | 52|250 A Year of Flash

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