“Nothing,” she’d answered his question. “I am afraid of nothing.” And at the time she had believed it but now she knew better. She was afraid of this waiting game, this cycle of excuses and constantly putting things off. She’d been aware of it since she was a child, watching as it quietly consumed the people around her.
Life begins when you get to college, begins when you graduate. You’ve arrived when you own your own house, pay off your loans, find ‘the one’. Life begins when you read this many books, travel to these places, when the scale reads this number and you can fit into those jeans. When your test results come back, when your children get their own lives, when somebody loves you. When you’re finally worth enough to take up some space.
She knew herself a little better now but there was no longer anyone to ask the questions, nobody to answer. She could have told him all the things she wasn’t afraid of — uncertainty, strangers, being alone. She wasn’t afraid of not having a home. She wasn’t afraid of having no money, of not speaking the language, of failing. She wasn’t afraid of sleeping on strangers’ couches or only owning what she could carry on her back.
No, she was a rare breed. Heart belonged to no one and the entire world was her home.