French Kiss by Michelle Elvy

The date began badly. First, she turned up her nose at my suggestion of sushi: “Ew! I want real food!” So we found ourselves at a picnic table eating hamburgers and fries, hers dipped in a large pile of blubbery mayo.

Back in the car, she switched the radio from Waits to Madonna. I thought about kicking her out right then.

But I’m a gentleman, so I suggested wine at my place (she was French, after all), but she said, “No, that’s boring,” and next thing I know we’re down by the lake drinking Jaegermeister. Jaegermeister, for chrissakes! Haven’t drunk that stuff since college. I managed not to puke this time, even when she said, “I’m going to fuck you now, oui?” What could I say? I was powerless in her hands, her mouth, her cunt. She scared the hell out of me, from her rock-hard nipples to her abundant thighs to her curious tongue. I envisioned news flashes next day: Culture Clash: Carniverous Frenchie Fucks Shy Biology Teacher Dead. She was all energy, grinning and grinding, sound and sexual fury. I ached for days, especially where my knee wedged into the dashboard. How she fit all those ways I never did figure.

I kept her number for a long time. “Call me,” she said as she slipped the paper into my jeans pocket. Not a question, more a demand. I wanted to, I really did.

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Filed under Michelle Elvy

6 responses to “French Kiss by Michelle Elvy

  1. Matt Potter

    Carniverous Frenchie Fucks Shy Biology Teacher Dead!

    I laughed out loud, long and hard at that one – very funny!

  2. guy

    Oh you know he will. He’s not shy at all. I think he’s lying about the knee hurting the most, too.

    I may be your only reader who suffers from acute mayonnaise phobia — opening a bottle for the kids nearly makes me retch — but that detail turned my stomach. That it’s blubbery makes that much worse. I can’t write anymore.

  3. Thanks, guys. Glad you appreciated the details, sorry about the mayo.

  4. Yeah, mayo’s gross. The French chick…*MUCH* scarier. Ouch! I don’t blame him for not calling!

  5. Oh goddess, so funny… love the role reversals, and the imagined headline made me spew my Drambuie. Grinning and grinding, say that thrice real fast. Peace…

  6. Pingback: #10 – Union of Opposites « 52|250 A Year of Flash

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