Eight years later, the telephone rang. I heard that familiar husky voice. Hung up. Backed away from the kitchen, my heart leading the way. Shrunk down the hall toward the bedroom. What could I say? I was done, finished. Thought I was resolved. My husband came into the room. “Who was it,” he asked. Then he looked at me, bent over the dresser. And he knew. “No way.” I nodded. “Get the fuck out. Seriously?” The phone rang again. “You want me to answer it?” he asked. I shook my head no. Picked it up, jittery. “What do you want, Dad?” |
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When He Calls by Robert Vaughan
Filed under Robert Vaughan
Ah, quite a surprise there at the end. Tells such a different story in that simple last line. Nicely done, Robert.
For sure! A total different issue in that last line! I love the quick beat of this story… like the “heart leading the way.” Yes, nicely done, Robert. :-)
that’s a taut, tense number. you could do something longer with this if you kept the choppy sentence style. it creates a lot of great stress.
yep, that last sentence is a zinger. loved the pace. peace…
Great, the way the first and last lines work together- so much tension with so few words. Great job.
Fantastic story told in such concise, few words. Great twist at the very end.
I LOVE THIS. Just the right amount of tension and that zing at the end. Made me wonder what Dad did want.
I just read your blog (at One Writer’s Life) and read the “Collaboration” entry as well as the one previous which had links to your latest work here. Thanks for keeping us in the know! This is a great tense, haunting piece. What might have happened to these two prior to the flash happened, or even in relation to your opening lines…in their past eight years, what went off track?
Lots of possibilities with this one. Great work, Robert!
Loved this. Well done.
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